margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
