i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
