fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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