I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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