did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
