You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
