No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
