I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
