2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
