Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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