it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
