3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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