As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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