Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
