we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
