Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
