youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
