So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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