I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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