Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Pooping to opera.
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