So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
