how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
