I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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