Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
