Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
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