All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
thus making me awesome and them whores
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
