There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
