I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
