Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Randomize
