the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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