My room smells like vodka and shame
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize