Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
