Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize