I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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