Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
you win again, gameday.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
