This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
