remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize