Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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