is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
