apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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