I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
