He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
