It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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