Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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