Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
