I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
