I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
It's shark week go big or go home
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
