3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
