a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
