Jerry, you need to find god
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
