You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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