Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm getting married
To pizza
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
