I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize