Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
