she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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