she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
