That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
