i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he was CRYING into my vagina
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize