i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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