have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
