i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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