bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
sick fucks of a feather flock together
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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