Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
