You really coming over, don't trick.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize