dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
