god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He has the fingertips of a God
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