walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
