woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
