Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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