Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
