He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
