You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
