I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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