I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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