Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
