it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
