I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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