I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
