He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
