all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
