Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
