I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
