I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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