Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
