I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
