dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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