I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
