I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
