New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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