gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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