Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
only you would photoshop your dick
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
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