i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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