He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
