I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She's the barista slut.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
