she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
