i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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