Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
