Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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