Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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