On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
