Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
