How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
