my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
