How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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