Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
