Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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